


An Exercise In Team Building

by Berty



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Outing, Silly, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-29
Updated: 2006-06-29
Packaged: 2017-10-12 12:32:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/124852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berty/pseuds/Berty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly and unexpectedly telepathic, SG-1 shares some quality team time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Exercise In Team Building

Well, this is different.

 _Hostile aliens. Stinky prison cell. Suddenly and inexplicably telepathic. Nope, sounds like a pretty normal day to me._

Inappropriate sarcasm, Daniel? So, Carter. How are we going to get out of this?

 **Does it say Houdini anywhere on my uniform? Er, Sir.**

IT DOES NOT, MAJOR CARTER. IT DOES, IN FACT, SAY "CARTER." I DO NOT KNOW OF A MAJOR HOUDINI.

 _It was a joke, Teal'c. He was a …never mind._

Daniel?

 _Right. Escapology is a little known sub-discipline of anthropology, Jack._

Don't have to get pissy, Daniel!

 **Oh, they are so doing it.**

Carter!

 _Sam!_

 **Ohmygodshit. Sorry, Sir, Daniel.**

Look, this is obviously a difficult situation. I suggest that we all try to stay calm. Think of something neutral.

SOMETHING NEUTRAL? CAN YOU SUGGEST SOMETHING, DANIELJACKSON?

 _Well, just think of something dull and uninteresting._

 **Sir, I don't think that's terribly flattering.**

Sorry, Carter. It's all those technical words you use.

 _Try thinking about the colour grey._

Grey, right. That's dull.

INDEED. UNLESS IT IS DANIELJACKSON'S UNDERGARMENTS THAT ARE GREY. THEN, APPARENTLY, IT WOULD SEEM TO BE QUITE INTERESTING.

 _Teal'c? Jack!_

Shit, Babe! Sorry! It's those tight trunks you wear.

 **Ha! Knew it! Dammit – sorry.**

Look, Carter, Teal'c, we would have told you about us, only…er… Daniel didn't think it was such a good idea.

 _What? You lying bastard! You're the one who said it was none of their fucking business._

Babe, please! Your language. You're corrupting Teal'c.

 _Bollocks to that!_

ON THE CONTRARY, I FIND THIS EXCHANGE TO BE MOST ENLIGHTENING.

 **Wonder who tops.**

Carter! For crying out loud! Could you please try and think about something else?

 **Sorry, sir.**

I SUSPECT IT WOULD BE O'NEILLL.

 **That's what I thought.**

 _hoots of derisive laughter_

Daniel!

 _Oh yes. The big bad colonel wouldn't be the one taking it, would he?_

Babe, I don't think we really need to…

 **Oh, I think we probably do, Jack…Sir, sorry!**

INDEED

 _Imagine what it would do to your reputation, love, if anyone had seen you last night…_

Daniel!

 _…covered in sweat, whimpering…_

DANIEL!

 _…with your ass in the air, begging me to do you?_

I'm screwed!

QUITE LITERALLY, O'NEILL.

 **Don't worry, Sir. Your secret's safe with us.**

I CONCUR WITH MAJOR CARTER. FOR MY OWN PART, I AM SIMPLY GLAD THAT DANIELJACKSON IS GETTING SOME.

 _Thank you, Teal'c. That's sweet._

A MAN SUCH AS YOU, DANIELJACKSON, DESERVES TO BE CHERISHED. I WOULD TOTALLY HAVE DONE YOU GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY.

 **Me too.**

 _Thanks, guys. That means a lot to me._

What the fuck? Teal'c?

 **You're gorgeous, Daniel. You could do much better you know.**

Carter, you're on report. Teal'c, you're on training missions with the medical staff until further notice.

BITE ME, O'NEILL.

 _giggles_

Jeez, I mean, what am I? Chopped liver?

 **You know sir, there was a time that's I'd have been amenable, but recently you're…well…**

What?

 **Kind of immature, sir.**

ACCORDING TO OPRAH, IT IS A COMMON OCCURRENCE AT O'NEILL'S AGE. THE TERM IS 'MID-LIFE CRISIS" I BELIEVE.

 _guffaws_

 **I mean, The Simpsons? Street hockey? Getting off your head on Becks? Fruit Loops, sir? And letting one drop in the elevator on the way to the gateroom this morning – that was base.**

What???

THAT WAS I.

 **Oh. Teal'c that was gross. Sorry, Sir.**

 _Good one, T._

Daniel? Do you want to stick up for me here?

 _It's a little indiscreet, don't you think?_

JAFFA LAUGHTER.

 **Filthy snigger**

Daniel!!!

 _Oh, God. Okay! I think you're gorgeous, you know I do. You're kind, you have beautiful eyes, you're much smarter than anyone imagines, you have the stamina of a man half your age and you're a generous and inventive lover. Plus you have a killer ass. Has that stroked your ego enough, Jack?_

For starters.

 **Awww! You guys! You're so cute together.**

IF DANIELJACKSON IS SATISFIED, THEN I AM ALSO.

Oh, he's satisfied alright, big guy. Not that there're many men who could keep up with him, if you know what I mean.

 **Reeeeeeally?**

Nope. He's a slut. Can't get enough of me, can you, Danny? And Carter, could you stop looking at Daniel like that please?

 **Sorry, sir.**

 _Well, we don't know how many more years you're gonna be able to get it up, do we, Babe? I'm just laying in supplies now for when it's only on birthdays and New Years._

Bastard.

 **giggle**

JAFFA SNIGGER

 **So you guys are in this for the long haul, then?**

 _Yeah. He has his faults, but basically he rocks my world._

Well, you're not perfect yourself Mr. Alphabetical Cereal Boxes.

 _It makes stuff easier to find._

Daniel, we only have two kinds of cereal.

 _Well, you only buy the ones that have free toys inside._

Well contrary to your beliefs, caffeine is not a food group. Cereal is a good start to the day.

 _Sex is a good start to the day – when I can rouse your lazy, smelly carcass._

Is it my fault that you kept me tied to the bed 'til two a.m. while you had your wicked way with me… three times?

 _Didn't hear you complaining at the time. All I heard was "Oh yeah, Baby. Slower. Harder. Right there. Yes. Like that. God, Daniel, just like that. Yes. Yes."_

Daniel, you don't want to get me started on who makes the most noise. At least I don't howl!

 _I do not howl!_

You totally do.

 _Don't._

Do.

MAJOR CARTER?

 **Yes, Teal'c?**

I COULD BE MISTAKEN, BUT I BELIEVE THAT SYMBOL ON THE WALL TO YOUR LEFT IS A DIALECT OF GOA'ULD.

 _I do NOT howl, Jack. As if you could make me!_

You do, Daniel. Every time.

 **What does it say?**

IT SAYS "MUTE".

 **Ah. Hmm. What do you think?**

 _You are so full of shit, Jack. I swear, if your ass wasn't as pretty and precious to me as it is, I'd kick it._

You think you could, Babe?

 _Yes, I do, Jack. You may be stronger…_

I THINK IT WOULD BE A KINDNESS FOR ALL CONCERNED, MAJOR CARTER.

 **Yeah, I don't know how much more of this I can stand.**

INDEED

 _…but I'm quicker._

Yeah, that hair trigger thing of yours. Maybe you could get some help with that?

 _You bitch! That is totally unfounded. If anyone comes too soon it's you._

Well, see there's this thing called finesse, Daniel. I don't know if you've heard of it? It means…

 _Finesse? Is that coming to bed reeking of beer?_

Right, that's it. If you don't like the way I smell that you can just fu…

 **Okay. Jeez, they can whine!**

THANK YOU, MAJOR CARTER.

 _Asshole._

Bastard.

 _Shithead._

Retard.

 _Moron._

Fuckwi…………….

 

Fin


End file.
